I was in the mood to blog but not necessarily about anime. I decided to look up today’s daily prompt and thought it was a good one. I think I’ll randomly insert daily writing prompts to diversify what I write about. And, I hope it helps you to get to know me better.
Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow. My immediate answer is divorcing my first husband.
We married when we were in the Army and only 19 years old. We were too young and naïve to have a healthy relationship. I actually got pregnant before we married, however, I did not marry him because I was pregnant. I didn’t find out I was with child until after we married. We stayed married for nine years. The marriage ended because I discovered he was having an affair. The minute I confirmed he was having an affair, I filed for divorce.
How did divorce help you grow? At first, divorce is a shock. I immediately went to counseling to help me adjust to being a single parent. I quickly learned my shortcomings and my mental hang ups. I uncovered past traumas and their effect on my life choices. All of this new information I discovered through therapy changed me. It wasn’t immediate. After the divorce, I was still petty and hateful. Looking back, I can’t say I acted maturely. It took years, but I finally reached a place where I understand where things went wrong, why they went wrong, and why I am in a better place without that relationship.
I left my first husband with child in tow. I only had a high school education and no work experience aside from food service. I had no income. I moved from Tacoma, WA to Killeen, TX to live with my father, because I had no other place to go. It was a humbling experience. With the help of my older sister, I was able to borrow a car and go back to school. My dad, sister, and brother-in-law helped me raise my son. With every passing day away from my ex-husband, I grew as a person.
What did divorce help you learn? Divorce helped me learn that relationships aren’t bulletproof. Marriage isn’t a vest that protects you from those bullets. Marriage takes work. It takes two people to have respect and love for one another. I learned that I did not respect my first husband. One could say that I didn’t treat him with love. One could also say that I didn’t treat him with love because I had none to give. Looking back, he didn’t deserve that. I own that part of the relationship. He isn’t a saint, though. Don’t get me wrong. I’m just pointing out that I learned a lot about what I wanted from a relationship and what I needed to give to reach that relationship.
Final thoughts: Looking back, I am proud of myself. Choosing divorce is not always the easiest route. I know a lot of people criticize people who quickly rush to a divorce. I don’t have that criticism. I think people make mistakes. Marriage being one of them. I cannot recommend therapy enough. Whether you are struggling in your marriage or in the process of divorcing, therapy is beneficial. Learning about yourself through therapy is beneficial. Working together through therapy is beneficial. Do I think that my ex and I could have benefitted from therapy? No. I think had I gone to therapy earlier, I would have left the marriage before he had an affair. That being said, me and the ex-husband are on friendly terms. We’ve been through a lot together and I am glad that I can still turn to him if I was ever in a bind.
How about you? What decision did you make that impacted your growth?
Filthy Casual for Life 
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