There we were. Standing in front of each other with a judge. The judge asked me if I take this man to be my lawfully wedded husband. And, I hesitated. Not going with my gut, I said yes.
What would you do differently? I wish that I went with my gut and walked away.
We were young. Only 19. We only dated a few months before deciding to get married. We really didn’t discuss the things a couple should discuss before engagement (not marriage) is even on the table. To be young…and absolutely, stupidly clueless.
We had two very different ideas of what marriage should be. Two very different financial goals. Two very different social standards. I grew to have no respect for him as the relationship progressed. I treated him poorly. Looked down on him. Took his version of love and stomped on it. It as a dark time for me. I was in major depression the whole marriage and I’m not claiming it was entirely his fault. I was struggling with bipolar disorder that was undiagnosed and untreated. That being said, he wasn’t really an advocate for me. He let me drown. It was a toxic relationship, and I am thankful he has found someone that is better suited for him, and I found someone who is better suited for me.
Everything is 20/20 in hindsight, unfortunately. I do recognize it takes these types of decisions to grow as a person. My first marriage taught me a lot about myself, my needs, and my wants. It wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t great, either.
Filthy Casual for Life 
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