Filthy Casual for Life

It’s my quarterly gripe session about diabetes. Lately, I have been feeling quite burned out. Unfortunately, there is no reprieve from diabetes. No matter how burned out you feel from taking care of yourself, there are simply no good alternatives. I say “good” because you can always choose to just stop taking care of yourself. It’s not a great choice, but it is always a choice a diabetic has.

The best analogy I have ever heard was comparing the extra sugar in a diabetic’s blood stream to razor blades. When you have normal blood sugar, the sugar doesn’t damage anything. However, when your sugar levels are out of control, the sugar is highly concentrated and those razor blades are shredding everything it touches. That is why diabetics have so many other health problems like heart disease and losing fingers, toes, and limbs.

I have been blessed. My endocrinologist is amazing and we keep my blood sugar “normal,” but not without a great deal of work. It is mentally exhausting. Day after day. Year after year. No end in sight. It gets overwhelming. Sometimes, I just want to give up and not care anymore. I’ve felt like that lately. I have so many medications that I have a machine that dispenses it all for me so I don’t miss anything. Sometimes, I pause at it and just want to cry because I am so emotionally drained.

It’s hard being diabetic. I think the hardest part is the judgment you get. It’s not a visible disability, so people assume you’re being overly dramatic, or that you don’t look sick. You get judgment because you miss more days at work. You get judgment because you can’t lose weight easily. You get judgment about your diet. You get judgment about the amount of medication you have to take. Everywhere you turn, there is ignorance about the disease and the diabetic is the target of that ignorance. It’s emotionally draining and lately, I’ve been at that point.