Filthy Casual for Life

Which of the seven sins is your biggest vice?

The sin that is my biggest vice is ENVY. I define envy as resentment or sadness felt when you covet the belongings, tangible or intangible, of others. I think the key part of the definition is “resentment or sadness.”

I often feel deep sadness when I compare my life to others. I’m always comparing what I have to what others have. I can always look at the other side of the situation and remind myself there are reasons why they have what I don’t have. Everyone walks their own path and that path leads to different versions of success. I know that, but I don’t necessarily remember that all the time.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. I am a child of divorce. A child who had a parent suffer from alcohol addiction. A child that grew up poor. A child that experienced things that no child should. If you believe that your past is responsible for shaping who you currently are, it is not a surprise that envy is what plagues me the most.

Dysfunctional family. Growing up in a terse family led to envying those that grew up with a stable family life. I catch myself envying my husband’s childhood and how he grew up in a stable family. Along with that, I envy the fact that his parents stayed married. I have to remind myself of the toxicity of my parents’ marriage and that it happened for the best despite it adding to the dysfunction.

Alcohol Addiction. My father was an addict. He quit drinking when I was an infant/toddler, so I didn’t know the alcoholic. I knew the recovering alcoholic which poses its own challenges. The fallout is what I lived with. I envy those that never had to grow up with addiction and the chaos that it brings.

Growing up poor. Of all the things I experienced growing up, being poor probably fed my envious emotions. I would accredit that lack of wealth as a reason I envy those that can financially do what I cannot. My husband’s family had more wealth than mine, so my husband grew up in a financially stable home. I envy that even to this day.

I envy a childhood I didn’t have, and I struggle to let that go. I feel sadness a lot. I can honestly say that I don’t have resentment, but definitely sadness.

What about you? What sin is your vice?