Filthy Casual for Life

I’ve written about this song before, but it’s been on my mind. It really is a beautiful song with very meaningful lyrics.

It’s a ballad about wearing a mask and hiding yourself from someone you love. Specifically, the fear of being vulnerable and showing your flaws for fear of rejection.

The song is inspired by an Italian fable that tells the story of a disfigured man who hides himself away in a castle. His only joy is tending to a garden. Then, one day, a beautiful woman sneaks into the garden to steal flowers. He falls in love with her from afar. He’s too ashamed to show himself to her. He creates a unique, magical flower but is too terrified to give it to her before she passes away.

To me, this song reflects on our insecurities. We allow our own self-perceptions and experiences to hold us back. Despite these insecurities, you still can’t help but love the other person.

So, what do you do? That’s the million dollar question. Do you find the courage to tell that person how you feel and reveal your weaknesses or do you let life pass you by with longing and no resolution?

What would I do?

I would take a chance.

This garden is filled
With blossoming loneliness
I tied myself
To this sand castle filled with thorns

What is your name?
Do you even have a place to go?
Oh could you tell me?
I saw you hiding in this garden

And I know
Your heat is real
Your hand picks the blue flowers
I want to hold it but

This is my destiny
Don’t smile on me
Light on me
Because I can’t go to you
There’s no name to call

You know that I can’t
Show you me
Give you me
I can’t show you my weakness
So I’m putting on a mask to go see you
But I still want you

A flower that resembles you
Blossomed in this garden of loneliness
I wanted to give it to you
As I take off this stupid mask

But I know
This can’t go on forever
I must hide
Because I’m ugly

I’m afraid
So pathetic
I’m so afraid
In the end, will you leave me too?
So I’m putting on a mask to go see you

What I can do is
To make a pretty flower
That resembles you
Blossom in this garden, in this world
Then breathe as the person you know
But I still want you
I still want you

Maybe back then
If I had just a little more
Courage
And stood before you
Would everything be different now?

I’m crying
At this sandcastle
That’s disappearing
And breaking down
As I look at this broken mask
And I still want you

But I still want you
But I still want you
And I still want you