Ever realize something about yourself that you hate to admit? I’ve known this about myself for a long time, but lately, it’s been at the forefront of my thoughts.
I have a friend going through a really rough time. A REALLY rough time. I won’t go into details. That isn’t my story to tell. What I will say is it highlights what a truly useless person I am. And, I am. I don’t say that for sympathy. I truly am.
I’m not a good friend. Here he is going through the worst point of his life and he’s more worried about me and making sure that I am comfortable around him. He’s more worried about entertaining me and making me laugh. What the hell do I have to offer him? Absolutely nothing. I’m not funny. I don’t know what videos to link him to make him laugh. I don’t know what jokes to tell. I don’t know what encouragement to say. I don’t know what to say at all. I just sit there in silence. Who does that? A useless person, that’s who.
All my life, I’ve been spoiled. Maybe that’s why I am the way that I am. Go read my ode to my husband. He spoils me. Every one spoils me. My best friend is no different. Here he is going through the worst, lowest point in his life and he’s sharing his writing with me and making ME happy. I am the absolute worst kind of person.
I’m just spitting the facts. Again, not to garner sympathy. Just sharing what I know about myself. Well, why not change you might ask? I’ve tried. This is who I am. It’s the core of my being. I’m just a useless person who doesn’t have those kind of social skills.
Anyhow, I’ll get over it. I’ll feel bad for a week and then I’ll shove these feelings down for awhile. They’ll resurface afterwhile, and I’ll shove them down again. It’s a vicious cycle.
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