My husband and I have a different relationship. I don’t necessarily want to call it unique because that implies that others don’t have the same kind of relationship. Maybe I should call it uncommon. Yeah. Let’s go with that. Uncommon.
What do I mean by uncommon? Well, most couples that I know want to do everything together. And, sure. Casey and I do our fair share of things together. But, we also find peace and comfort in totally ignoring each other and I know that is unsettling to some.
My best example is every weeknight. We literally do nothing together besides eat together. After we eat, we go our separate ways. He typically goes to watch a TV show and I go play online video games with my best friend. We don’t even go to bed together. On the weekends, it is much of the same thing. We do out typical weekend chores together and then we have our “me” time where we completely ignore each other. Like, you wouldn’t even suspect we know each other. That’s how we roll.
There are different types of intimacy.
Intimacy is a close, familiar, and affectionate state or quality in a personal relationship, built on a deep understanding, trust, and mutual vulnerability between individuals.
Physical (non-sexual) intimacy. Most couples I know thrive on physical intimacy. Hugging, holding hands, cuddling. We are not a physically intimate couple. I don’t like hugs, holding hands, or cuddling. Those are all things that mean absolutely nothing to me in a relationship.
Emotional intimacy. Sharing your feelings. I have a high emotional IQ. He has the emotional IQ of a rock. But, we manage.
Intellectual intimacy. We do well here. We debate on things just fine without one wanting to “win” over the other.
Experiential intimacy. Hobbies, travel, etc. We bond just fine here, too. We have a lot of the same hobbies. We love to travel together.
Then there’s this weird intimacy of NOT being together. It’s not an actual defined intimacy you’ll find, but I feel like it should be for the few of us there are like us. We’re like a fine wine. We need to let each other breathe. We’re perfectly fine, comfortable, and secure knowing the other is off doing their own thing. I would say it is a defining feature in our relationship. It is really part of what makes us who we are. That ability to trust each other fully without question.
Do you believe in the intimacy of doing nothing together?
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