I was hoping to never have to share this, but here I am.

I met “T” online through a game and that, for many of you, would draw red flags. I know that is still a taboo way to meet friends. A few months into our online game friendship, he was wronged by members of our guild and left the game. Months passed and I received an inquiry on this very site from “T”. We reconnected and became friends. Over the following months, I’d like to think he became my best friend.

Over that time, I learned that “T” didn’t have a great home life. He had no family. He lost them tragically. He had no real friends to speak of. And, shortly into our friendship, he had lost his job in a very traumatic way. I learned he had A LOT of past trauma and now, some pretty fresh trauma. I thought I could handle it. I made promises I thought I could keep. That I would always be there for him. That I wouldn’t leave him.

There were good times. He was patient with me. He gamed with me every night. Made me laugh and listened to me. I’ve written enough about him on this site.

But, there were also red flags.

He had admitted to me that the only reason he had originally reached out in the first place was because he wanted to find out more information about the old guild and he thought I was “in on it”. Meaning the bullying and drama that caused him to leave. Let me be clear. I was not “in on it”. That should have made me think twice about how much to trust “T” but I appreciated his honesty.

There were many times when “T” would have a bad day and insult me. Many times, it would make me cry only for him to come back and say I misunderstood the tone of the text. Or that he was trying to be funny and I misunderstood him and that I wasn’t there so I couldn’t possibly know his intent. Whenever he hurt my feelings, he never apologized. He just said, “Once you break a plate, you can’t put it back together.”

That was his explanation for everything. Once it is broken, you can piece it back together but the damage is done. So, what’s the point. Sorry doesn’t fix anything. Sorry doesn’t bring anything back.

Yesterday, another incident happened. He was having a bad day and he made a snide remark that insulted me. I ignored him all day and he accused me of being like everyone else that leaves him. Then, he unfriended me from our WoW gaming platform.

I shared some of the conversations with another friend and he agreed that I was being manipulated and that I should go no contact. So, I sent “T” one last text thanking him for the friendship he has given me and that I was sorry I lied to him about the promises I made that I couldn’t keep.

My heart is broken. He was my best friend and I feel all alone now. I feel like I let him down. I feel like a liar. But, if I am being honest, I’m emotionally exhausted.

What hurts the most is knowing what kind of person he is. He’s so used to people leaving him that he is not going to miss me. He isn’t going to blink twice. There isn’t going to be one iota or shred that mourns me and I know it. That is what hurts the most.